Rough Stuff

So as much as I want to go back to Romania this summer, I am not going to be able to. I just do not have the resources to raise the money to go back. My heart aches and longs to go back and do ministry there. Not a day goes by that I do not think of my beautiful girls of Alexandria. We had our missions conference at school recently and I thought maybe God might show me a way that I could go this summer. I did not find that answer, but I did find many others. As I was searching and praying for the missionaries and the countries in the prayer room, I found that Romania was heavy on my heart. Shocker there, right. But my girls in Alexandria were all I could think of. Even as I passed through all of the other countries, I could think of nothing more than going back to my beloved Romanians. Through that week, God also showed me how much of a relational ministry person I am. I am not all about going and getting up in people's faces to share Jesus with them. I am about forming the relationships and letting Jesus shine through my relationships. Because I realized this, I know why God doesn't want me to go back to Romania this summer. I have so many things going on in my life that are hindering my from God right now. So many things are getting in my way, but I am done. I don't want it to be that way. I am sick of doing things for me. As selfish as I am in wanting to go back to Romania this summer, I know that I can't because in order for me to be able to go back with a servants heart I need to stop making this about me. It has never been about me. It never will be about me. So as I close out, I have not only continued to be encouraged by the verse that led me to Romania (Isaiah 1:17 - Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. ) I have also been encouraged by this verse as well (James 1:27- Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.) I need to get my relationship with God straightened out before I can go back. But I will go back. I am so determined. 

Have a great night.

Amanda